Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 68)

You’d walk her down the front row of a revival meeting.

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Y'all stay the night. We don’t have extra beds, but I’m sure we can find a nail to hang you on.

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I’d rather have a broke back in hell.

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“I’ve grown fat on the contents of charity packages,” said Tom carefully.

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Hasn’t anyone ever warned Jacqueline Kennedy about Greeks bearing gifts?

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
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Broken Groin, South Carolina

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Never laugh at a man, until you have walked a mile in his shoes; then you are a mile away, and you have his shoes.

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Don't worry 'bout the mule son, just load the wagon.

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Girlfriend Calling You Fat? You Probably Are. Ride Bike

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They say no one knows if we all see red the same way… except traffic cops.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
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Killer Pancake

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I'm out like a fat girl stealing second.

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My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow; and I am the only driver she ever had!

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
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I used to carry a rabbit’s foot for luck… then it was a monkey’s paw.. now it’s a camel’s toe.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
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People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair.

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He/She’s got teeth like a rake.

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Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes

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I'm gonna peck a knot on your head!

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This likker is just right; if it’d been any worse, I couldn’t have drunk it; if it’d been any better, you wouldn’t have give it to me.

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I've Never Gone to Bed with an Ugly Woman

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She could eat watermelon through a chicken wire fence.

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