Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 69)

Didn’t lick it off a stone

Miscellaneous

You can’t measure a snake till ti’t stretched out dead.

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It’s funny, but when you look at an old man, then you look at a photo of him when he was a young man, then you look at the old man, then the photo, back and forth, pretty soon you’ll do whatever anybody tells you to.

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Big hat, no cattle

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Held his hind leg

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His front porch light is burnt out.

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Probably one of the worst things about being a genie in a magic lamp is a little thing called “lamp stench.”

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“The prisoner escaped down a rope,” said Tom condescendingly.

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I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I’d just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

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Practical Demonkeeping


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Plastic Jesus

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Makes my butt wanna grind corn!

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Peter Marshall: Rich, what land animal has the largest eyes?

Rich Little: [doing his impersonation of her] Why, that would be Carol Channing!

(1938 – ) Canadian-American impressionist & voice actor
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Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon; but some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you’d look out your little window and think, ‘Boy, I’m glad I’m not out in THAT.’

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Busted two sets of knee caps

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I was lying in bed last night and I couldn’t sleep, and I came up with an idea. So I went right home and wrote it down.

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality
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I've seen animals hurt worse than that get well.

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Once I beat up the school bully with a baseball bat; both his arms were completely broken, which is what gave me the courage to do it.

(1956 – ) American comedian
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Cathead biscuit

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The apple never falls too far from the tree.

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He looks like he got beat with a ugly stick.

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