Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 73)

You can put a porcupine in a wood chipper, but you will not make maple syrup.

Miscellaneous

Go piss up a rope.

Miscellaneous

Mr. Ruskin is about to begin a work of great importance and therefore begs that in reference to calls and correspondence you will consider him dead for the next two months.

(1819 – 1900) English art critic, social thinker, poet & artist
Miscellaneous

We always go to bed with the chickens.

Miscellaneous

I quit my job at the helium gas factory – I didn’t like being spoken to in that voice.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Miscellaneous Speech

A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end.

Miscellaneous

It’s cold enough to freeze a turkey off the roost.

Miscellaneous

He don’t know daylight from dark.

Miscellaneous

I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they’ll know this is someone else’s territory.

Miscellaneous

He's busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin' contest.

Miscellaneous

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

Miscellaneous

You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.

Miscellaneous

In my next life, I hope I come back as a parrot, because I already know quite a few words.

Miscellaneous

Lost as a goose in a snowstorm

Miscellaneous

I am ashamed of confessing that I have nothing to confess.


Miscellaneous

Within a lash

Miscellaneous

You want to get three feet up a bull’s ass, just listen to the whisperings of sweethearts.

(1954 – 2008) British film director, playwright & screenwriter
Miscellaneous

Children need encouragement: if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

Miscellaneous

Going to hell in a handbasket

Miscellaneous

You might as well play Hob with the hoe-handle!

Miscellaneous

Like a buzzard roosted in it

Miscellaneous