Subject: Places (Page 27)

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Places Politics

You couldn't be a racist and live in L.A.; you'd be exhausted.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Places

In Scotland we have a verdict ‘not proven;’ that means ‘not guilty, but don’t do it again.’

Law Places

In New England there are three times of year… either winter has just been, or winter is coming, or it’s winter.

American author
Places Science/Weather

I just got back from the Middle East, where I performed for 15,000 men – and then I did my comedy.


Entertainment Places Sex

Scotland: A land of meanness, sophistry and lust.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Places

There is no hell… there is only France.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Insults Places

If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Places

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye – and dragged it fifteen feet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Body Places Situations

A trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Hollywood Insults Places

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Canada Communication Education Learning Places Reading/Writing

When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land; they said, ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes and when we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.

(1931 – ) South African social rights activist & Anglican bishop
People Places

The New England conscience does not stop you from doing what you shouldn't – it just stops you from enjoying it.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Characteristics Places

The suburbs are like the bleacher seats of life.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
America Places

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Clothing Communication Lies Truth World

It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.

(1942 – ) Canadian politician
Places World

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush,’ ‘Dick,’ and ‘Colon.’

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Places Situations World

We do not go in for philosophy in this country… we have our own system… it’s called wondering.

(1968 – ) English comedian & television personality
England Places

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Places

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Places

Once all the Germans were warlike and mean, but that couldn't happen again; we taught them a lesson in 1918 and they've hardly bothered us since then.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Places