Subject: Places (Page 8)

Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.

America Murphy’s Laws Things

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

(1925 – ) American comedian, actor, writer, teacher & lecturer
Places

L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Alcohol Food/Drink Places

I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq; after all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France!


(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Conflict Places War

Holland lies so low they're only saved by being dammed.

(1799 – 1845) English writer
Communication Language Places

You could go out at four in the morning, after a nuclear bomb destroys the entire eastern seaboard, and the Triborough Bridge would be jammed.

(1960 – ) American comedian
New York City Places

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
America Communication Language Places Speech

Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Money Places

We used to write essays like: “What I'm going to be if I grow up.”

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Places

Of course… once.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Places

To the French, lying is simply talking.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lies People Places

The time to enjoy a European tour is about three weeks after you unpack.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Activities Places Travel

You know how you're going to die, you just don't know when.

comedian
Activities Death Places

A bunch of people in New York said, “Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough… let’s go west.”

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Places

The Irish… don’t care for clean government; they want Irish government.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Government People Places

A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe.

(1920 – 2004) Canadian author, television personality & journalist
People Places Sex Things

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.

(1969 – ) American singer-songwriter & musician
People Places Travel

All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

(1880 – 1964) Irish dramatist
Entertainment Life World

I want to succeed in America where, unlike Britain, they do not regard ambition as being the same as eating babies.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
America Places Success

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland; people in Scotland drink while they're drinking.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Food/Drink Places

I went to Missouri… I got a speeding ticket for $130; that’s a bunch of crap… rent’s not $130 in Missouri.

(1975 – ) American comedian
Places