Subject: Relationships

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Relationships Self

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Family Relationships Sex

I don't have a boyfriend right now; I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.

(1967 – 2007) American model
Money Relationships

The only difference in the game of love over the last few thousand years is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds.

Emotions Love Relationships

Drink ‘til she’s cute, but stop before the wedding.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Alcohol Dating Relationships

Society honors its living conformists and its dead troublemakers.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
People Relationships

[Kerry is trying to figure out how to break up with Kyle] Bridget: Just use the line I use when I break up with a guy.

Kerry: “I’m only seventeen, you’ll go to jail”?

(1979 – ) American actress
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

I finally just slept with my high school crush; but I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation – like I know where I’m going to be in three years.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Relationships Sex

The first time you buy a house you think how pretty it is and sign the check… the second time you look to see if the basement has termites; it's the same with men.

(1908 – 1944) Mexican actress
Men Relationships

The economy is so bad that I put my wife back on Match.com, just for the free dinners.

comedian
Relationships

I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Friends People Relationships Success Young

I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like none weeks and five days.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I was born in Alabama, I was raised in Georgia; I'm so Southern I'm related to myself.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian
Places Relationships

Guys I’ve been meeting have the worst pickup lines, like: “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”

(1977 – ) American comedian
Dating Men People Relationships

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Family Mothers People Relationships Time Women

Love matches are formed by people who pay for a month of honey with a life of vinegar.

(Countess of Blessington) (1789 – 1849) Irish novelist
Relationships

My mother said it was simple to keep a man: you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom; I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

(1956 – ) American model & actress
Family Men Mothers People Relationships Sex

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Friends People Relationships

I don’t get what is so cool about dating DJ’s; that’s like dating a valet because he drives a nice car.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Dating Relationships