Subject: Relationships (Page 8)

Only thing that’s worse than walking in on your parents making love is walking in on your grandparents making love.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Age Family Relationships Sex

Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they're normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you?… yelling, 'Untie me!'

television writer, actor
Activities Dating Relationships

It’s kinda like grandkids: you just abuse them and turn them back in.

American stand-up comedian
Relationships Situations

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Relationships Situations

In Washington, you can’t take friendship personally.

Government Politics Relationships

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Dating Health Sex

[When his girlfriend is leaving him] You can’t go! All the plants are gonna die!

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both seems like carelessness.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Family Parents Relationships

Monica: Okay, everybody. Relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

(1969 – ) Canadian-American actor
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I'm dating again, which is very exciting… 'cause I'm married.

comedian
Dating Relationships

Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.

movie character in The Mask (Amy Yasbeck)
Men People Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Family Relationships

I once dated a famous Aussie rugby player who treated me just like a football; made a pass, played footsie, then dropped me as soon as he’d scored.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Dating Men People Relationships

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.

(1957 – ) English novelist, essayist & screenwriter
Entertainment Music Relationships

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

The search for someone to blame is always successful.

businessman
Characteristics Relationships Success

The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Men Relationships

Never try to pick up a woman who is wearing a Super Bowl ring.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating People Relationships Situations

I used to be afraid of relationships; someone would ask me out and I'd say, 'Just take my purse, don't hurt me!'

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Dating Fear Relationships

Men are easy to get but hard to keep.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Relationships