Author: Josh Billings

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Men People Women

Some folks are wise and some otherwise.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Intelligence Stupidity Wisdom

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Time

Poverty is the step-mother of genius.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Intelligence Money

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Honesty Reading/Writing

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People

Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Happiness Laughter

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and give it to him.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Opinion

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Accidents Money Poverty

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication

As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
God Intelligence Wisdom

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money People

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Situations

Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Situations

Life is short, but it’s long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Life

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Love

To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence