Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 13)

I don't have anywhere to put my elbows when I putt now.

professional golfer

They look like two lobsters trying to mate.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.

British golf writer & commentator

All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse.

Welsh-born Scottish writer

Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

sports commentator

Stroke: Any forward movement of the golf club that is made with the intention of hitting and moving the ball and is observed by another golfer.

I know you can be fined for throwing a club, but I want to know if you can get fined for throwing a caddie?

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.

(1897 – 1976) American novelist, short story & sports writer

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

(1918 – ) American Christian evangelist

He told me just to keep the ball low.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

[The ball] came out like a dead mouse from a cornfield.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it; then you hit it again.

American professional golfer

Golf: An ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an inaccessible hole with instruments ill-adapted to the purpose.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

It looks like a one armed man trying to wrestle a snake in a phone booth.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game would be played far better than it is.

golf author

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

This is a game of misses; the guy who misses the best is going to win.

American professional golfer