Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 13)

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Golf Sports

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

(1770 – 1850) English Romantic poet
Golf Sports

I think Jessel’s philosophy about golf was something like: If all you’re going to do is chase the ball, why hit it in the first place?

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Golf Sports

My handicap is that I don’t have a big enough beer cooler for the back of my golf cart.

professional football player
Golf Misspokements Sports

There are two things you can do with your head down– play golf and pray.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

Definitions Golf Sports

If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would've been a great shot.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn’t float too well.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Activities Golf Sports

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Golf Sports

I spent $3 million on drink and $3 million on gambling, but I wasted the rest.

professional golfer
Golf Sports

The Royal Hong Kong Club caddies hit the nail on the head; their term for golf – "Hittee ball, say damn."

Golf Sports

If a caddie can help you, you don't know how to play golf.

(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Golf Sports

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

Golf Murphy’s Laws People Sports

In golf, I'm one under; one under a tree, one under a rock, and one under a bush…

Canadian hockey goalie & coach
Golf Sports

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

(1918 – ) American Christian evangelist
Golf Sports

The three things I fear most in golf are lightening, Ben Hogan, and a downhill putt.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Once bitten, it is akin to having your neck punctured in Transylvania… there is no known antidote.

golf course architect
Golf Sports

It's so bad I could putt off a tabletop and still leave the ball halfway down the leg.

professional golfer
Golf Sports