Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 15)

The score a player reports on any hole should always be regarded as his opening offer.

Anglo-Irish golfer

Any guy who would pass up a chance to see Sam Snead play golf would pull the shades driving past the Taj Mahal.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

It is so long it’s the first time I’ve had to take into account the curvature of the earth.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

The woods are full of long drivers.

American golf professional & coach

Sandy: I want you to kill every gopher on the course!

Carl: Check me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

On a golf course, Jack had the hands of a violinist; that was fair, because as a violinist, Jack had the hands of a golfer.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don’t have to walk any extra distance to get it.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees.

I don’t enjoy playing video golf because there’s nothing to throw.

American professional golfer

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

I play in the low 80's. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

I've thought about buying those new, long distance balls, but I wonder, what's the point of hitting golf balls even further out of bounds?

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

80 percent of the balls that don’t reach the hole, don’t go in.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

Golf, especially championship golf, isn't supposed to be fun, was never meant to be fair, and never will make any sense.

author

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

I don't think he'd even be happy with ice cream right now.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf; the other is "Wear it if it clashes."

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president

Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic