Subject: Sports (Page 14)

I think they just got through marinating the greens.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

That’s what I call the ultimate laxative.

Canadian Prime Minister of Sports

The fans now, with their eyes pierced on the dart board.

English sports commentator

We told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive

And he’s done that in a whisker under 10 seconds, call it 9.7 in round figures.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

I've thrown or broken a few clubs in my day. In fact, I guess at one time or another I probably held distance records for every club in the bag.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

The only sport where you can spend an arm and a leg to break an arm and a leg. 

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

If a coach starts listening to the fans, he ends up sitting next to them.

professional basketball player & coach

George Foreman can knock down an oak tree, but oak trees don't move.

American boxing trainer

All those football coaches who hold dressing-room prayers before a game should be forced to attend church once a week.

(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach

The pads don't keep you from getting hurt. They just keep you from getting killed.

American football player

I told my team it doesn't matter… there are 750 million people in China who don't even know this game was played. The next day, a guy called me from China and asked, 'What happened, Coach?

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

Losing the Super Bowl is worse then death… you have to get up in the morning.

(1918 – 1990) football coach

The Chicago Cubs are like Rush Street – a lot of singles, but no action.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host

Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head… no harm done.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game would be played far better than it is.

golf author

Gretzky knows it time to retire now — he's finally slow enough to get hit by Luke Richardson.

American sportswriter

Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

Marvelous oriental pace he's got, just like a Buddhist statue.

British sports commentator

The niblick, with its heavy head of iron, is a capital club for knocking down solicitors.

Hockey is the original extreme sport.

American hockey player