Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 14)
Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting in a dugout trying to manage guys like you?
Casey Stengel
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball
Misspokements
Sports
After being asked by a player if he had ever played baseball
I'd like to see the fairways more narrow; then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me.
Seve Ballesteros
Spanish professional golfer
Golf
Sports
They're a little bit like money. You don't want to die with them and give them to your kids, so you might as well use them if you need them.
Mike Leach
American football coach
Football
Sports
Coaching
On the use of timeouts
One day Don King will asphyxiate by the force of his own exhaust.
Carmen Graziano
boxing trainer
Boxing
Sports
Don King
He has turned defensive boxing into a poetic art; trouble is, nobody ever knocked anybody out with a poem.
Eddie Shaw
Blues saxophonist
Boxing
Sports
Referring to boxer Herol "Bomber" Graham
I was three-quarters down the list of guys I would be facing in my first game when I realized I was looking at our own roster.
Glenn Healy
Canadian hockey player
Hockey
Sports
On preparing for his first game
Opponents
After indulging in some heavy, late-night research with scholarly friends, Bobby was driving back to his hotel, innocently enough, when he was sideswiped by several empty cars lurking at curbside.
Blackie Sherrod
(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Football
Sports
On quarterback Bobby Layne’s traffic accident
History must repeat itself because we pay such little attention to it the first time.
Blackie Sherrod
(1919 – ) American sportswriter
History
Sports
Time
Willie Mays' glove is where triples go to die.
Jim Murray
(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Baseball
Sports
Willie Mays
He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.
Lou Duva
(1922 – ) boxing trainer & manager
Boxing
Misspokements
Sports
On heavyweight Andrew Golata’s training regimen
If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men
People
Sports
Television
Playoffs
Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn’t float too well.
Craig Stadler
American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
In boxing the right cross-counter is distinctly one of those things it is more blessed to give than to receive.
P.G. Wodehouse
(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Boxing
Sports
Punches
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities
Golf
Sports
Good walk
Spoiled
Look at him (Bobby Richardson) – he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t chew, he doesn’t stay out late, and he still can’t hit .250.
Casey Stengel
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball
Characteristics
Sports
Good
Hitting
The weak teams are Boston and New York; the strong ones are Toronto, Chicago, Montreal, and Gordie Howe.
Dave Keon
professional hockey player
Hockey
Sports
Gordie Howe
Sure, it's nice to win; but there's only one thing that's important to me and that's the money we're going to get, win or lose.
Vida Blue
professional baseball player
Baseball
Money
Sports
We're so bad right now that for us back-to-back home runs means one today and another one tomorrow.
Earl Weaver
(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.
Ted Walsh
horse racing trainer & commentator
Misspokements
Sports
Horse racing
War is hell, but expansion is worse.
Tommy McVie
hockey coach
Hockey
Sports
On league expansion
We know we’re better than this, but we can’t prove it.
Tony Gwynn
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Page 14 of 125
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