Subject: Sports (Page 50)

Emotion disappears about the sixth time that guy hits you in the mouth and you realize those tears in your eyes are not because of dear old alma mater.

American football coach
Football Sports

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint… after 18 holes you’re tired and most of your balls are missing.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Golf Sports

I wouldn't trust him to sit on a toilet the right way.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

When I asked the baseball writers why they haven't elected me to the Hall of Fame, they told me they thought I was still playing.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Sports

I'd love to fight Gerry Cooney. But I have my price – 25 cents and a loose woman.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Activities Life Sports

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Activities Age Golf Old Sports Time

Bert's wallet is like an onion. Any time he opens it, he starts crying.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

Football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Education Football Sports

Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye.

(1923 – 2013) American professional football coach
Sports

One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.

American billiards champion & hustler
Activities Sports

I love boxing. Where else do two grown men prance around in satin underwear, fighting over a belt? … the one who wins gets a purse… they do it in gloves. It's the accessory connection I love.

American comedian
Boxing Sports

I broke in with four hits and the writers promptly declared they had seen the new Ty Cobb… it took me only a few days to correct that impression.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball People Self Sports

First I pray to God that nobody hits a ball to me; then I pray that nobody hits the ball to Steve Sax.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

I had an advantage – I slept with his mother.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Children Family Football Mothers Sports

This guy's tough. He had a face that looked like it'd hold two days of rain.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Appearance Baseball Sports

I’m going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time.

professional football coach
Football Misspokements Sports

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

professional hockey player
Divorce Hockey Marriage Misspokements Sports

Tell you what, you keep the salary and I'll keep me the cut.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball Sports

Take his body apart and see what's in it.

American basketball player
Basketball Sports

When Mike Tyson gets mad, you don't need a referee, you need a priest.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Boxing Sports