Author: Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations Sleep Work

She was always crying; in fact, she wept so much she made everybody's corns ache.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Emotions

It was as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of the rope.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

Although it is a far cry from there to here, he laughed all the way.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Emotions Laughter Situations

If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Government Law

He was born silly and had a relapse.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
People

Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Baseball Sports

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Crime

She's generous to a fault… if it's her own.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics Communication

He was so ugly, the last time I saw him he was the top of a totem pole in Seattle.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Insults

The champion, Jess Willard, had about as much chance in this fight as a dish-faced chimpanzee in a beauty contest.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Boxing Sports

An empty cab drove up and Sarah Bernhardt got out.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Insults

It arrived by first-class mail in second-class condition.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Situations

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Food/Drink

There was larceny in his heart, but his legs were honest.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Baseball Sports

She was a brunette by birth, but a blonde by habit.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Characteristics

America never lost a war or won a peace conference.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
America Conflict Places War

A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Work

It is impossible to tell where the law stops and justice begins.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Government Law