Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 83)
An hour after the game, you want to go out and play them again.
Rocky Bridges
(1927 – ) professional baseball player & coach
Baseball
Sports
On playing against a team from Japan
You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses, because they will want to keep playing.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Golf
Sports
I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.
Bruce Lansky
(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Golf
Sports
With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.
Murray Walker
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Sports
One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water.
Lee Trevino
(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf
Describing how he was one under during a tournament
Tell you what, you keep the salary and I'll keep me the cut.
‘Lefty’ Gomez
(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
On being asked to take a pay cut from $20000 to $7500
You might be a redneck if… you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People
Rednecks
Sex
Sports
Foreplay
Wrestling
I went skiing last week and broke a leg… fortunately it wasn’t mine.
Anonymous
Sports
Skiing
He is the best left fielder the Cardinals have, the best center fielder they have, the best first baseman they have. He is, in short, the best ball club in St. Louis and one of the best in the world.
Red Smith
(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball
Sports
Of Stan Musial
The weak teams are Boston and New York; the strong ones are Toronto, Chicago, Montreal, and Gordie Howe.
Dave Keon
professional hockey player
Hockey
Sports
Gordie Howe
I'll decide when to write my own obituary.
Ian Botham
English cricketer
Misspokements
Sports
Cricket
Obituaries
If I’m half the coach on the bench that I was in the stands, we’ll have no problems.
Bob Plager
Canadian hockey player
Hockey
Sports
Coaching
What makes him unusual is that he thinks he's normal and everyone else is nuts.
Danny Ozark
American baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
On player Jay Johnstone
Don’t park in the spaces marked, “Reserved for Umpires.”
John McSherry
professional baseball pitcher
Baseball
Sports
I told him I wasn’t tired; he told me, ‘No, but the outfielders sure are.’
Jim Kern
professional baseball pitcher
Baseball
Sports
On the manager who removed him from a game
You can talk to a fade but a hook won’t listen.
Lee Trevino
(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
We've got a problem here. Luis Tiant wants to use the bathroom, and it says no foreign objects in the toilets.
Graig Nettles
American baseball player
Baseball
Sports
We have a lot of success with a dumb person calling plays. I'm hesitant to have a smart one call them.
Lou Holtz
(1937 – ) football coach, sportscaster, author & speaker
Football
Sports
Explaining why he rather than the quarterback called his team's plays
Give blood. Play hockey.
Hockey Saying
Hockey
Sports
Blood
I accept the fact that I'm going to miss it sometimes. I just hope I miss it where I can find it.
Fuzzy Zoeller
American professional golfer
Golf
Sports
Some guys play hockey… Gretzky plays 40 mph chess.
Lowell Cohn
American sportswriter
Hockey
Sports
Wayne Gretzky
Page 83 of 125
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