Subject: Things (Page 8)

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things

Velcro: what a rip-off.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Things

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me; I said, “Well, what do you need?”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Arms Canada Places Things

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Situations Things

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language People Things

The better the four-wheel drive, the further away you'll be when you get stuck.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realized you could watch it on TV for nothing.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Things

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Autos Driving Places

My Dad always told me there’s three things you need to have in the boot of your car: a blanket, a shovel and a flask; and he’s right – because whenever I’ve killed a man I’m parched.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Autos Conflict Killing Things

The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Self Things Wives

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs People Things

Chatterbox: Another name for a telephone booth.

Definitions Things

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

If it’s good, they’ll stop making it.

(1909 – 2001) editorial cartoonist & author
Murphy’s Laws Things

Vacuum Cleaner: A sonic broom.

Definitions Things

Everything I Know About Women I Learned From My Tractor

Book Titles Things

A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Body Characteristics Situations Things

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

A sieve may not hold water, but it will hold another sieve.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Things

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things