Subject: Things (Page 6)

I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

Never buy a car that has a wick.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things

Condoms aren't completely safe; a friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

Things

Big girls need big diamonds.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
Things

Office machines that function perfectly during normal business hours will break down when you return at night to use them for personal business.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Computers Things

You might be a redneck if… the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

The most expensive component is the one that breaks.

Money Murphy’s Laws Things

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Things

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

I think they should put the wrapper of a straw on the inside because that is the part you don't want to get dirty.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Things

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Autos Children Family Mothers

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Autos New York City Situations

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Things

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Situations Things

The lights are most likely to come back on at the precise moment you find the flashlight.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Murphy’s Laws Things

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Intelligence People Things

A component’s degree of reliability is directly proportional to its ease of accessibility (i.e., the harder it is to get to, the more often it breaks down).

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Alarm clock: An instrument used to wake up people who have no kids.

Children Definitions Family Things

One thing that really irritates me is a thousand things.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Things