Subject: Things (Page 8)

You might be a redneck if… you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Speech Things

You might be a redneck if… you have a rag for a gas cap.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

Any organization is like a septic tank; the really big chunks rise to the top.

(1923 – 2005) American professor
Things

You might be a redneck if… your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

The most used appliance in our house is my 10-year-old son Leon's Xbox.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Activities Things

Confucius say… when driving near schools, open your eyes and save the pupils.

Autos Confucius say Things

The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Power outage at a department store yesterday, twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

comedian
Situations Things

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Things

Durable Goods: Those that last longer than the time payments.

Definitions Things

I sold my house this week… I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Miscellaneous Things

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving Things

Cottonballs are an example of something I’d want to buy, but not have as a nickname.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Places Things

Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.

Murphy’s Laws Things

I think a treehouse is really insensitive; that's like killing something and then making one of its friends hold it.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Accidents Autos History Time Truth

Men love watches with multiple functions; my husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People Things

The most expensive component is the one that breaks.

Money Murphy’s Laws Things