Author: Steve Connelly

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

comedian
Places

For my sister’s 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

comedian
Relationships

Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?

comedian
Places

Power outage at a department store yesterday, twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

comedian
Situations Things

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

comedian
Doctors Health People Self

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.

comedian
Appearance Body

A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant tablets; all they found was a pile of dust.

comedian
Death

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with English subtitles.

comedian
Communication Entertainment Language

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.

comedian
Education School Science/Weather

I bought a portable cable TV.

comedian
Situations Television Things

I called the Census Bureau to see why they hadn't sent me a form, and they said that I was too nondescript to influence the demographics one way or another.

comedian
Government

The museum boasted owning the original version of Beethoven's unfinished basement.

comedian
Entertainment Music Places

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.

comedian
Eating Food/Drink

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.

comedian
Situations Sleep

Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.

comedian
Science/Weather

It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly.

comedian
Money

The only thing houseflies fear more than the Venus fly trap is the hanging plant.

comedian
Animals