Author: Anonymous Page 123

War without France would be like… World War II.

Conflict Places War

“The food here is terrible,” he muttered, swallowing his words.

Tom Swifties

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

Tougher than a boiled owl.

Expressions

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Death Government Language Taxes

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

Sewing Circle: A group of women who needle each other.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”

Communication Definitions Language

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Cigarette: A bit of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Definitions

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Insults Sex

Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.

Definitions Sports

He was engaged to a contortionist, but she broke it off.

Communication Relationships Wordplay

The menu was frozen in the amber of 1973.

Mixed metaphors

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers

Characteristics Emotions Expressions

He’s so crooked that when he dies, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Tackle that hurdle

Mixed metaphors

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Marriage