Author: Anonymous Page 145

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Definitions

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

Problems

“Fire!” yelled Tom alarmingly.

Tom Swifties

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Things

Bigamist: A man who keeps two himself.

Definitions Marriage

Court Of Law: A place where a suit is pressed and a man maybe taken to the cleaners.

Definitions Law

Good Old Days: What people fifty years hence will be calling the present time.

Definitions Past Time

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Definitions Entertainment Music

He’s one brick short of the whole nine yards.

Mixed metaphors

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

There’s no future in time travel.

Activities Future Past Time Travel

What in the Sam Hill are you doing?

Miscellaneous

“You resemble a goat,” said Tom satirically.

Tom Swifties

Their father is some kind of civil serpent.

Malaprops

“Who’s your favorite operatic tenor?” Tom asked placidly.

Tom Swifties

Editor: The fellow who makes a long story short.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.

Problems Situations

Bus: A vehicle that has empty seats when going in the opposite direction.

Definitions

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

Appearance Body Expressions

Alcohol is ok in modification.

Alcohol Food/Drink Malaprops