Author: Anonymous Page 145

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Success

They were living high on the cob.

Life Malaprops Money

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Malaprops

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

I’ll be on him like a wild dog on a ham.

Expressions

Chivalry: A man’s inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.

Definitions

improvise

Tom Swifties

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

B Flat: An apiary.

Definitions

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

Courtesy: Acceptable hypocrisy.

Definitions

It’s time to step up to the plate and lay your cards on the table.

Mixed metaphors

“Let’s eat kosher tonight,” said Tom judiciously.

Tom Swifties

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Sex

Get the kinks rolling

Mixed metaphors

Ad Hoc: Pawn shop advertisement.

Definitions

“I just got another flat,” he said tiredly.

Tom Swifties

“I knew the gun wasn’t loaded,” Tom said blankly.

Tom Swifties

Let dead dogs sleep.

Mixed metaphors

Life’s all about ass – covering it, kicking it, kissing it or trying to get it.

Life