Author: Anonymous Page 16

You must have ears like an eagle.

Mixed metaphors

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

Dictatorship: A place where public opinion can’t even be expressed privately.

Definitions Government

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Situations

Pun: A short quip followed by a long groan.

Definitions

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

“We must hurry,” said Tom Swiftly.

Tom Swifties

He can cry on a dime.

Mixed metaphors

We heard the ocean is infatuated with sharks.

Malaprops

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals

“I’m wearing my wedding ring,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

He had to use a fire distinguisher.

Malaprops

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Activities Games Situations

We are tipping the iceberg.

Mixed metaphors

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People

Reformer: One who wants his conscience to be your guide.

Definitions

You are not being diplomatic just because you put please in front of “Shut the hell up.”

Characteristics Situations

Spinster: An unlusted number.

Definitions People Women

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Enema: Not a friend.

Definitions

It would bring the public school system crumbling to its knees.

Mixed metaphors