Author: Anonymous Page 16

Adolescence: The age between puberty and adultery.

Age Definitions Sex

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Autos Intelligence Stupidity Things

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Smoking like a sieve

Mixed metaphors

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider.

Expressions Food/Drink

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex

Kicking off the hockey season

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… he had his own area code.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

They have come up with a perfect understanding; he won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

Husbands Marriage Wives

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Tom Swifties

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time

Like a four-horned billy goat

Expressions

Long road to hoe

Malaprops

90% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Government Law Lawyers

Bragging: The patter of tiny feats.

Definitions

A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.

Appearance Body People Women

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

You’ve buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

We all have our own legs to pull.

Mixed metaphors

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Autos Husbands Marriage Wives

A bird in the hand is worth two in the tush.

Malaprops