Author: Anonymous Page 88

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Money Time

I've hit the nail on the jackpot.

Misspokements

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

If there is a substitute for brains it has to be silence.

Intelligence

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Appearance Definitions

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: never repeat yourself.

Miscellaneous

Alone… in bad company

Insults

Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.

Definitions

“I’ve removed all the feathers from this chicken,” said Tom pluckily.

Tom Swifties

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Prejudiced people are all alike.

Characteristics People

Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Spanking: Stern punishment.

Definitions

American Way: Using instant coffee to dawdle away an hour.

Definitions

“Someday I’ll run the CIA,” said Tom aspiringly.

Tom Swifties

Adage: To become older.

Definitions

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Beliefs God People Self

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Intelligence Memory

Courtship: When a fellow gets so wrapped up in a girl that it’s easy to tie the knot.

Definitions Relationships

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Marriage Men People Sex Women