Author: Bill Maher Page 2

L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson – and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Places Success

Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from 9 hours of liposuction and plastic surgery – or, as it's commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Death Health Places

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men People Women

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs People Religion Science/Weather

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me – I quit."

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Death God

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages; you get married, and every night, it’s the same sex.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Marriage Sex Wordplay

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Activities Drugs School