Author: Bill Maher Page 2

We have the Bill of Rights; what we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Characteristics Government

L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson – and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Places Success

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men People Women

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Age Dating Sex

When sex is good theres nothing better, when it’s bad it’s not bad.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Sex

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me – I quit."

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Death God

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Religion

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Activities Drugs School

Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Insults