Author: George Gobel Page 3

Peter Marshall: According to an old song, you should “Wrap all your troubles in…” What?

George Gobel: Furs… and tell her to stop calling your house! 

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the celebrated Masters & Johnson, there are about four or five thousand places offering sex therapy in America today. Now do they feel that most of them are doing a really good job?

George Gobel: Well, not the ones where you don't have to leave your car.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Education Marriage School

Peter Marshall: According to an article in the Dayton Daily News, it’s the most universal reaction in men after they’ve gotten their divorce. What is it?

George Gobel: Relief.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What was Rudyard Kipling describing when he wrote about a “rag-a-bone” and a “hank-a-hair?”

George Gobel: His unsuccessful attempt to shoot his wife out of a cannon.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What does that mean?

George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to weather statistics, where is the wettest spot on Earth?

George Gobel: The parking lot at Busch Gardens.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall:  According to Dear Abby, how long is the average honeymoon?

George Gobel:  Forty-seven minutes.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to The People’s Handbook Of Medical Care, it’s the single-most important factor in letting you know that something is wrong with you. What is it?

George Gobel: It’s when people pass you on the street, and go “YECCH!”

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Years ago, American Indians tied small pine trees to their feet, and thereby invented what?

George Gobel: Shoe trees.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to beauty experts at Seventeen magazine, what is the major cause of crows feet?

George Gobel: God made them so crows could dance.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to flag ettiquette, how does a woman show her respect for the American flag? 

George Gobel: She picks up a sailor.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do you call a cow that won’t give milk? 

George Gobel: Hamburger

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to The Cosmo Girl’s Book Of Ettiquette, what does Helen Gurley Brown say you should put in your bra to attract men?

George Gobel: A copy of Sports Illustrated.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Dear Abby, it’s nature’s signal that something is wrong. What is it?

George Gobel: When your son starts waxing his legs.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You have some lipstick on your collar. Will treating it with petroleum jelly help?

George Gobel: I'm gonna have a hard enough time explaining the lipstick!

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares