Author: Paul Lynde

Peter Marshall: In the Middle Ages, Paul, people in convents were not allowed to eat beans because they believed something about them we now know isn’t true. What?

Paul Lynde: Well, I know they took a vow of silence…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… occasionally, a bull moose will hear the horn of diesel train and will run to it thinking that it is its lover?

Paul Lynde: And heaven help the conductor!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Your date’s had a great shock, now she’s fainted. According to experts you should loosen her clothing, and do one other thing. What?

Paul Lynde: Send a postcard requesting an ambulance.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the old song, what’s breaking up that old gang of mine?

Paul Lynde: Anita Byant!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In a survey of teenage mothers, most of them said they were listening to this when they got pregnant. What is it?

Paul Lynde: A pack of lies.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Where does most of the olive oil in the world come from?

Paul Lynde: Caesar Romero’s comb.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The U.S. will soon reportedly share a secret with Japan. What is it?

Paul Lynde: The location of the Pacific Fleet.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Teddy Roosevelt maintained that he had something removed from two United States coins purely for the sake of art. What?

Paul Lynde: The bottom half of the buffalo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?

Paul Lynde: 11.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Coronet, do most men feel uneasy around women with really large breasts?

Paul Lynde: Yes, they run for cover.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What did the Lone Ranger always leave behind when he left town?

Paul Lynde: A masked baby.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, Snow White… was she a blonde or a brunette?

Paul Lynde: Only Walt Disney knows for sure…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… there are more psychiatrists in Beverly Hills than plumbers.

Paul Lynde: When my toilet’s backed up, I don’t care who fixes it!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, during a visit to the Moscow State Circus, Pat Nixon shook hands with something unusual. What?

Paul Lynde: The bearded lady, Mrs. Kosygin.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What should you do if your parakeet has a temperature of 112 degrees?

Paul Lynde: Baste him!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the old song, “At night, when you’re asleep, into your tent I’ll creep.” Who am I?

Paul Lynde: The scoutmaster!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… a shipment of the Pill was recently recalled because they were actually sugar pills.

Paul Lynde: Does this mean all of the babies born in November will have pimples?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Your rooster has been fixed so that he no longer has romantic interest in hens. What is the proper word for him now?

Paul Lynde: Suicidal.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A woman who is divorced, has a college education, and is nineteen-years-old is more like to have a certain ailment than anybody else. What ailment?

Paul Lynde: The heartbreak of psorriasis.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the primary problem that develops with men’s zippers?

Paul Lynde: Rust.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’ve gone from egg, to larvae, to pupae. What’s next?

Paul Lynde: A shave and a shower and off to work!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares