Author: Paul Lynde Page 6

Peter Marshall: True or false… many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.

Paul Lynde: Yes. We call them winos.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, when the citizens of China want a drink of water, they usually do something to it first. What?

Paul Lynde: Remove the shirts.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, what did Little Bo Peep’s sheep leave behind them?

Paul Lynde: Well, Simple Simon thought they were bread crumbs!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A recent navy picture had Admiral Zumwalt kissing Admiral Duirk. Why?

Paul Lynde: Too long at sea!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In The Wizard of Oz, the lion wanted courage and the tin man wanted a heart. What did the scarecrow want?

Paul Lynde: He wanted the tin man to notice him.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Playboy Magazine recently published a book by billionaire J. Paul Getty called, “How To …” How to what?

Paul Lynde: How To Treat Oily Skin.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?

Paul Lynde: An engagement ring.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul. If you have one it’s a moose. If you have two, it’s a….?

Paul Lynde: It’s a mess!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What should you do if your parakeet has a temperature of 112 degrees?

Paul Lynde: Baste him!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… research indicates that Columbus liked to wear bloomers and long stockings.

Paul Lynde: It’s not easy to sign a crew up for six months…

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, Pat Nixon says it’s difficult to sleep with President Nixon because of something he does in the middle of the night. What is it?

Paul Lynde: He’s digging a tunnel.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can’t have kids?

Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: There's tennis elbow, there's jogger's knee, and there's swimmer's… swimmer's what?

Paul Lynde: All I can think of is trunks!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, True or false… occasionally, a bull moose will hear the horn of diesel train and will run to it thinking that it is its lover?

Paul Lynde: And heaven help the conductor!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the movies, who gave the advice, “whistle while you work?”

Paul Lynde: It was either Paul Winchell… or Linda Lovelace.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: If you want to know if a plastic surgeon is really qualified, who should you check with?

Paul Lynde: Tony Randall.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Billy Graham recently called it “our great hope in a confusing and ever-changing world.” What is it?

Paul Lynde: Pampers.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What should you think when you walk into an apartment and all the walls and carpets are brown?

Paul Lynde: The maid exploded.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In The Wizard Of Oz, the Tin Man wanted a heart, and the Lion wanted courage. What did the Straw Man want?

Paul Lynde: He wanted the Tin Man to notice him.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The U.S. will soon reportedly share a secret with Japan. What is it?

Paul Lynde: The location of the Pacific Fleet.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter: Do baby elephants nurse?

Paul Lynde: That’s why you should never go topless on an African beach.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares