Author: Rod Schmidt Page 2

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


Activities Communication Language Shopping

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?


Communication Reading/Writing

I bought a million lottery tickets… I won a dollar.


Activities Money

I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out.


Eating Food/Drink

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.


Animals Things

Ever try to Scotchgard a sponge?


Situations

If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?


People Places

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?


People

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell… except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.


Health

I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them… now I can ride a unicycle.


Activities

I Xeroxed my watch and now I can give away free watches.


Things

My friend Sam has one leg… I went to his house; I couldn't go up the stairs.


Situations

I Xeroxed my watch… now I have time to spare.


Things Time

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.


Animals Appearance

I took a course in speed waiting… now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.


Learning Time

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers… and he hates New York.


New York City Places Things