Keyword: Alimony

My ex-wife is going to hell on a scholarship.

American comedian
Divorce Marriage

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals Divorce Marriage Money

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Divorce Marriage Money Time

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Husbands Marriage

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

(1894 – 1967) English heir, New York socialite (married 13 times)
Divorce Marriage

I don't think I'll get married again; every five years or so, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Divorce Marriage

I heard from my cat’s lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Divorce Marriage

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Definitions Marriage

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Definitions Marriage

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

Definitions Marriage

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.

(1893 – 1957) American actress & celebrity
Marriage Mistakes Money

Alimony: Bounty after the mutiny.

typographer
Definitions Marriage

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Money

Alimony: the ransom the happy pay to the devil.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Divorce Marriage

Group sex… are you kidding, I had group sex… my wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Sex Wives