Subject: Sports (Page 5)

Zane Smith is a guy who can shut you out as well as look at you.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

He (Gaylord Perry) should be in the Hall of Fame with a tube of KY jelly attached to his plaque.

(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Health Sports

Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye.

(1923 – 2013) American professional football coach
Sports

I’m not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.

professional football general manager
Football Misspokements Sports

Being an umpire is like being a king… it prepares you for nothing.

(1937 – 1995) American Major League Baseball umpire
Baseball Sports

I’m not fat.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball.

Scottish football player
Misspokements Sports

Auto racing began five minutes after the second car was built.

(1863 – 1947) automobile industrialist
Auto racing Sports

When Charlie Finley had his heart operation it took eight hours…. seven just to find his heart.

professional baseball pitcher
Baseball Insults Sports

Oi, leave our flies alone, Jardine. They’re the only friends you’ve got here.

Stephen Gascoigne (1878 – 1942) Australian sports fan & heckler
Sports

It’s shattering when a player loses interest in camp. When you lose your interest in standing around eating steaks you lose everything.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Trailing 5-1, the Padres added an insurance run in the eighth inning.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

If I didn’t enjoy gloating so much, I wouldn’t do so many interviews.

American football coach
Football Sports

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Sports

I only have one goal in each stick.

Czech ice hockey player
Hockey Sports

We can’t win at home… we can’t win on the road; as general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to play.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Basketball Misspokements Sports

You can talk to a fade but a hook won’t listen.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood.

(1937 – ) football coach, sportscaster, author & speaker
Football Sports

What’s the toughest thing in a professional football game? … Its being the mother of the quarterback.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Family Football Mothers Sports

There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.

college football coach
Football Sports