Subject: Activities » Housework

I make no secret of the fact that I would rather lie on a sofa than sweep beneath it.

(1932 – ) British novelist & journalist

Excuse the mess but we live here.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I’ll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.

(1920 – 1994) German-born author & poet

There is always more dirty laundry than clean laundry.

If you start to clean your desk in the spare bedroom you will probably have to clean the garage to find what you need to finish cleaning the desk.

I find apologizing for not having cleaned is easier than cleaning.

(1975 – ) English comedian

People often write me and ask how I keep my wood floors so clean when I live with a child and a dog, and my answer is that I use a technique called “Suffering From a Mental Illness.”

(1975 – ) blogger

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian

Whatever arrangement you make for the division of household duties, your husband's job will be easier.

I’m eighteen years behind on my ironing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

My kitchen floor is sticky, and I had to do something about it.. so finally I went out and bought some slippers.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

I’ve decided to become gay… not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

American comedian & actor

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer