Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 3)

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger; my first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? … it’s hardly ever for them.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter

You may have a dog that won’t sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she’s too stupid to learn how but because she’s too smart to bother.

Dogs are like penises… I enjoy my own, but I don't want to be touched by anyone else's.

American comedian

He has all the characteristics of a dog except loyalty.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m The Beatles.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire; they're trained for that!

(1964 – ) English comedian

I’m fond of pigs… dogs look up to us… cats look down on us… pigs treat us as equal.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist

I don't have to walk my dog anymore… I walked him all at once.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principal difference between dog and man.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Don't get mixed up between Pavlov and Pavlova, or you'll have salivating ballerinas and pirouetting dogs.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist