Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 4)

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Animals Beliefs Dogs God

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.

(1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James
Animals Cats Dogs

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dogs Relationships

I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

(1849 – 1912) Swedish writer
Animals Dogs Emotions

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Age Animals Dogs Friends People Relationships

She has a face like a saint – a St. Bernard!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs Ugly

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs Characteristics Dogs

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

I spend three minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog; then I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult.

American comedian
Animals Dogs Self

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

You might be a redneck if… your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?… Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Beliefs Dogs Honesty Truth

I spilled spot remover on my dog… he’s gone now.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Accidents Animals Dogs Problems

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Health

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Animals Communication Dogs Intelligence Speech Wisdom

Life is like a dogsled team; if you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Animals Dogs Life

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Situations

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Animals Dogs

Dogs are like penises… I enjoy my own, but I don't want to be touched by anyone else's.

American comedian
Animals Dogs

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs