Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 6)

The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Dogs

Dogs are like penises… I enjoy my own, but I don't want to be touched by anyone else's.

American comedian
Animals Dogs

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? … it’s hardly ever for them.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Dogs

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger; my first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Dogs Old

Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Animals Dogs TV/Movie Quotes

My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Marriage Wives

How come dogs hate it if you blow in their faces; but when they get in the car, they stick their heads out the window.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs

Yesterday I was a dog… today I’m a dog… tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Animals Dogs

As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

Animals Appearance Dogs Expressions Ugly

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Dogs Relationships

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Situations

Don't get mixed up between Pavlov and Pavlova, or you'll have salivating ballerinas and pirouetting dogs.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Animals Dogs

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs People Self

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?… Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Beliefs Dogs Honesty Truth

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs People Self

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Children Dogs

Why do I always meet women as I’m leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? … and it’s always on the day I forgot my dog…

(1964 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Relationships Situations

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Dogs

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel.

Animals Cats Dogs Proverbs