Subject: Animals » Dogs (Page 3)

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Dogs Things

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Dogs Relationships

Any member introducing a dog into the Society’s premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.

, ,
Animals Cats Dogs Murphy’s Laws

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions People

Aa dog walking on his hind legs … is not done well, but you are surprised to find it done at all.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Animals Dogs

Dogs are like penises… I enjoy my own, but I don't want to be touched by anyone else's.

American comedian
Animals Dogs

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Age Animals Dogs Friends People Relationships

Last night he went on the paper four times… three of those times I was reading it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building… on the ledge.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Dogs

Dogs are forever in the push-up position.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

That’s why they’re man’s best friend… ‘cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are; so do women, but they’ve already got men

(1957 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Men People

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Animals Death Dogs Marriage

I love my hunting dog… well I loved my hunting dog… I'm not very good at hunting.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Activities Animals Dogs

The dog has seldom been successful in pulling Man up to its level of sagacity, but Man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Dogs

I got a new dog… he’s a paranoid retriever; he brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Dogs Wordplay

My parents had to tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Family Parents

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Definitions Dogs

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

She has a face like a saint – a St. Bernard!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs Ugly

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs