Subject: Characteristics (Page 28)

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Truth

Pipe-smokers spend so much time cleaning, filling and fooling with their pipes, they don't have time to get into mischief.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Characteristics Individuals People

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

(1939 – ) American television host, producer & author
Characteristics Life

First of all you've got to have talent, and then you've got to marry her like I did.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Success

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?

Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Characteristics Games

He’s so lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory.

Characteristics Expressions Work

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language Self

I’m not being condescending, I’m too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn’t understand.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Characteristics

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Characteristics Success

We would all like a reputation for generosity and we'd all like to buy it cheap.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Characteristics

The search for someone to blame is always successful.

businessman
Characteristics Relationships Success

The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn't like girls who were fragile or vulnerable… so I stabbed him.

comedian
Characteristics Dating Relationships Situations

My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Family Fathers Health

I will make a bargain with the Republicans; if they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Politics Truth

I'd like to do a few quick depressions for you guys… anxiety

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Characteristics

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Situations

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Insults

Many who would not take the last cookie would take the last lifeboat.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Characteristics

No vice is so bad as advice.

(1868 – 1934) Canadian-American actress
Characteristics

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson.

(1966 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Characteristics Sports