Subject: Characteristics (Page 43)

There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

… it was a Jewish porno film… one minute of sex and nine minutes of guilt.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics People

All generalizations are false.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive; I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics

A man thinks he amounts to a great deal but to a flea or a mosquito a human being is merely something good to eat.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics Food/Drink

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Characteristics

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics Intelligence

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Characteristics People

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Anger Characteristics Emotions

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Characteristics Sex

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America Characteristics Honesty Lies People

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

When we are happy we are always good, but when we are good we are not always happy.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Emotions Happiness

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Communication People

Some persons are likable in spite of their unswerving integrity.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics Honesty People

The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.

(1769 – 1821) French general & politician
Characteristics

Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Characteristics Ugly Work

A man of courage never needs weapons, but he may need bail.

(1895 – 1990) American writer
Characteristics

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

(1952 – ) comedian
Characteristics Situations

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Friends Old People

The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics