Subject: Communication » Language (Page 18)

When they were naming the animals somebody got lazy… whats he doing?… eating ants… DONE!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Language

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language People Things

There's a fine line between hyphenated words…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

(1767 – 1845) 7th U.S. president
Communication Language Reading/Writing

Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Language

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Language

If you understand English, press 1; if you do not understand English, press 2.

Communication Language Misspokements

Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Government Language Politicians

Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.

(1936 – ) novelist
Communication Food/Drink Language Things

Whenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of a sentence, the probability of an error being made will be in direct proportion to the embarrassment it will cause.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Speech

If you substitute damn every time you’re inclined to write very your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language Reading/Writing

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Communication Family Language Mothers

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer
Computers Language Sex Things

Hector Torres, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Communication Language Misspokements

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
America Communication Language Places Speech

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Communication Language

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Communication Language

Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Communication Language

Discriminate: To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language People

I've always tried to be a good American citizen, so I have made it a point not to learn any other language but English.

stand-up comedian
America Communication Language People Self