Subject: Communication (Page 4)

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Communication Insults Intelligence Sex

Ned, I would love to stay here and talk with you… but I’m not going to.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Communication Conversation TV/Movie Quotes

It has been said that writing comes more easily if you have something to say.

(1880 – 1957) Polish-Jewish novelist, dramatist & essayist
Communication Reading/Writing

The Sun has the class of a polyester shirt and the soul of a Colombian hit-man.

Communication Insults

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Language

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Failure Success Wordplay

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
America Intelligence Language Military Places

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.

(1938 – 2007) British writer
Communication Democracy Government

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages; you get married, and every night, it’s the same sex.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Marriage Sex Wordplay

Listening to a speech by Chamberlain is like paying a visit to Woolworth's; everything in its place and nothing above sixpence.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Insults Speech

That's not writing, that's typing.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Communication Insults Reading/Writing

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Communication Dating Relationships Wordplay

Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.

(1923 – 2007) American novelist, journalist & playwright
Communication Marriage Occupations Reading/Writing

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

Communication Language Money

I hope God speaks English; if I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Beliefs Communication Eating God Language

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Parents Reading/Writing School

Anyone who says, 'You had to be there,' should just not have told you the thing in the first place because it's not funny.

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Communication Laughter Situations

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

All Englishmen talk as if they’ve got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
England Insults Places Speech

A million monkeys were given a million typewriters… it’s called the Internet.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication Things