Subject: Communication (Page 52)

Next to the writer of real estate advertisements, the autobiographer is the most suspect of prose artists.

(1921 – 2012) American music critic & journalist
Books Communication Occupations Work

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar: the barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Communication

The purpose of the communication is to advance the communicator.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

Sad news, apparently the Michelin Man has retired.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

A dialogue is a good monologue spoiled by somebody else talking.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Communication Conversation Speech

I would worship the ground you walk on, Audrey, if you only lived in a better neighborhood.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Characteristics Speech

If you are going to tell people the truth, be funny or they will kill you.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Communication Honesty Killing Truth

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication

I am told that I talk in shorthand and then smudge it.

(1892 – 1973) English writer
Communication Speech

Those big-shot writers could never dig the fact that there are more salted peanuts consumed than caviar.

(1918 – 2006) American writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

He has his head in the clouds and his feet in the box office.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Communication Insults Reviews/Criticism

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Crime

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

The baby wakes up in the wee wee hours of the morning.

Children Family Wordplay

Elector: One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Language

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

When they were naming the animals somebody got lazy… whats he doing?… eating ants… DONE!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Language

My teacher used to say I wasn't very observant… to be honest, that was her opinion.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

My neighbors don’t like it when I talk to my plants… I use a megaphone.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech

My father was a small claims court jester.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Family Fathers Wordplay

Autobiography is now as common as adultery and hardly less reprehensible.

(1924 – 2001) British writer
Books Communication