Subject: Conflict (Page 2)

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eighties they are caught between good hugs and bad hugs.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Conflict Men Past Women

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Fights Things

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

(1915 – 1994) American actor
Conflict Crime

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Age Conflict Friends Killing People

My parents only had one argument in forty-five years; it lasted forty-three years.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Conflict Parents Relationships Time

Shoplifter Who Soiled Clothes Fails to Wipe Record Clean

Crime Headlines

You might be a redneck if… you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict Fights People Rednecks

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

Fights Murphy’s Laws

My Dad always told me there’s three things you need to have in the boot of your car: a blanket, a shovel and a flask; and he’s right – because whenever I’ve killed a man I’m parched.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Autos Conflict Killing Things

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong – or absolutely right.

(1863 – 1923) French playwright
Beliefs Conflict Opinion People

Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.

(1955 – ) Mexican-American comedian & actor
Conflict War

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it’s best to let him run.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Conflict

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

(John Bloom) (1953 – ) American film critic, writer & actor
Conflict Family Fights

It's possible to disagree with someone about the ethics of non-violence without wanting to kick his face in.

(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director
Conflict Fights

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

Conflict Headlines

What’s a Jewish mobster?… ‘I’m going to break the legs of your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Conflict People

Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Conflict Murphy’s Laws

The scariest guy in prison is the white guy… because he's guilty.

American comedian
Conflict Crime Law People

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Conflict Situations

If it weren’t for marriage, husband and wives would have to fight with strangers.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Marriage