Subject: Conflict (Page 7)

What’s a Jewish mobster?… ‘I’m going to break the legs of your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Conflict People

The Falklands incident was a quarrel between two bald men over a comb.

(1899 – 1986) Argentine writer, essayist, poet & translator
Conflict War

In a war of ideas it is people who get killed.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Conflict Ideas Intelligence War

If it is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting dirty for.

Conflict Fights Murphy’s Laws

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Conflict Food/Drink Killing

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate; and I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

Conflict War

One of my friends went on a murder weekend… now he is doing life for it.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Crime

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

Military Murphy’s Laws War

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Conflict Future Things Time War

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals; she thought we just fought in world war eleven.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Intelligence War

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Individuals Killing People

Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Conflict Murphy’s Laws

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime Government Politics

Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ‘30s – as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Conflict Crime

Automatic weapons – aren’t.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

On the downside, it's loaded with sexual predators; on the plus side, it's also loaded with sexual prey.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Crime Science/Weather Sex

Incoming fire has the right of way.

Military Murphy’s Laws War

As through this world I've wandered I've seen lots of funny men; some will rob you with a six-gun, and some with a fountain pen.

(1912 – 1967) American singer-songwriter & folk musician
Communication Conflict Crime Reading/Writing

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Marriage

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Conflict Crime