Subject: Death (Page 10)

I have a lifetime appointment and I intend to serve it; I expect to die at 110, shot by a jealous husband.

(1908 – 1993) U.S. Supreme Court justice

If you really believe that death leads to eternal bliss, then why are you wearing a seatbelt?

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be living.

comedian

When Sinclair (Lewis) is dead he's dead; when I die I'm immortal.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author

Ask her to wait a moment – I am almost done.

(1777 – 1855) German mathematician & scientist

If any of you have a message for the Devil, give it to me, for I am about to meet him!


Martyr: One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I detest life insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist

Pope John Paul didn't die… he pre-boarded.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor

Dear me! I think I'm turning into a god…

(9 – 79) Roman Emperor

This is it! I'm going. I'm going.

(1886 – 1950) American singer, comedian & actor

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering… and it’s all over much too soon.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

 I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4½ minutes – when they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Gentlemen, I bid you farewell.


Applaud, my friends, the comedy is finished.

(1770 – 1827) German composer & pianist

Surprise me!

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

Truman Capote's death was a good career move.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

I get my exercise from acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt