Subject: Death (Page 2)

I am about to – or I am going to – die: either expression is correct.

(1628 – 1702) French grammarian
Last words

The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can’t get out and those outside don’t want to get in.

(1864 – 1936) American newspaper editor & writer
Death Places

My struggle to remain healthy is gradually killing me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Death Health

So far, I haven’t heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Death Life Money

I feel sleepy, a short time of rest would do me good.

(1746 – 1792) King of Sweden
Last words

Dying is no big deal, living is the trick.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Death Life

Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Last words

I could shoot better!

(1920 – 1945) Dutch communist resistance fighter during World War II
Last words

Famous Last Words: “This is easy.”

Death Definitions

Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Death

And now, I am officially dead.

(1822 – 1903) American teacher, lawyer, iron manufacturer & politician
Last words

My work is done, why wait?

(1854 – 1932) American innovator & founder of Eastman Kodak
Last words

Oblituaries

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Death Malaprops

If any of you have a message for the Devil, give it to me, for I am about to meet him!


Last words

Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize,’ … except at a funeral.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Death Language

Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn’t scare the f**k out of everybody!

(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Death

 I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4½ minutes – when they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Baseball Death Health Sports

At the funeral, everyone said, 'What a shame, he died penniless;' I don't know — to me that sounds like perfect timing on a hell of a budget.

American comedian
Death Money Poverty

I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral – which I thought was cocky.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Death

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Death Murphy’s Laws

When I die, I hope to go to heaven… whatever the hell that is.

(1905 – 1982) Russian-American novelist, playwright & philosopher
Death