Subject: Death (Page 22)

My granny was recently beaten to death by my grandad; not as in, ‘with a stick’… he just died first.

(1978 – ) British comedian
Death

I'm sorry, boys, I’m all wet.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Death Last words

God will forgive me. It is his profession.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Last words

How can I die, I'm booked.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Death Entertainment

Pope John Paul didn't die… he pre-boarded.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Death

Is it safe?

(1824-1856) doctor & convicted multiple murderer
Last words

Don't worry, they usually don't swim backwards.

(1962 – 2006) Australian television personality, wildlife expert & conservationist
Last words

Firefly: Not that I care, but where is your husband?
Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead.
Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death TV/Movie Quotes

Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.

(1914 – 1981) American boxing champion
Death

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Things Time

Life is pleasant… death is peaceful; it’s the transition that’s troublesome.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor
Death Life

Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.

(1877 – 1959) English theatre & film actor
Last words

Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.

(1836 – 1887) German born anarchist & labor union activist
Last words

You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Death Life Situations

I'm so bored with it all.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Last words

Being dead is one way to experience nothing, another is to attend some classes at my school.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Death Education School

I see that you have made three spelling mistakes.

(1744 – 1790) French aristocrat
Last words

Suppose, suppose.

(1848 – 1929) American frontier law enforcement officer
Last words

Immortality – a fate worse than death.


Death Life

They say you shouldn’t say nothin’ about the dead unless it’s good; he’s dead… good!

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Communication Death Speech

I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that's the record.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Last words