Subject: Death (Page 25)

Italian women never die – they just shrink out of existence.

(1958 – ) American comedian, actress & jazz musician
Death People Women

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Death Things

John Rogers did.

(1812 – 1899) American attorney
Last words

I don't believe that I'm going to be able to speak any longer.

(1881 – 1965) American Major League Baseball executive
Last words

Don't make a mess of it – shoot straight, you bastards.

(1864 – 1902) Anglo-Australian drover, horseman, poet & soldier
Last words

Now comes the mystery.

(1813 – 1887) American clergyman, social reformer & abolitionist
Last words

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.

(1899 – 1957) film actor
Last words

A candidate could easily commit political suicide if he were to come up with an unconventional thought during a presidential tour.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Death Government Politicians

I hope you go before me because I don’t want you singing at my funeral.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Death Entertainment

Bless you, Sister.  May all your sons be bishops.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
Last words

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Death Food/Drink

Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies’ Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral

Book Titles Death

Drink to me, drink to my health; you know I can’t drink any more.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer
Last words

This is the first time authorities helped me escape prison.

(c.1914 – 1947) American convicted murderer
Last words

Before he died my father told me he never really walked to school without any shoes.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Death Fathers School Situations

Take away those pillows. I shall need them no more.

(1832 – 1898) English author, mathematician, logician & photographer
Last words

My work is done, why wait?

(1854 – 1932) American innovator & founder of Eastman Kodak
Last words

I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Death Friends People Things

The show which, alas, every actor has to miss is his own memorial service.

(1908 – 1992) English actor
Death Entertainment

Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.

(1963 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & film producer
Death Marriage

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Death