Subject: Death (Page 26)

Thank God. I'm tired of being the funniest person in the room.

(1934 – 1999) American actor, improviser, writer & teacher

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

Do not hack me as you did my Lord Russell.

(1649 – 1685) English nobleman

Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from 9 hours of liposuction and plastic surgery – or, as it's commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

A bird in the hand is dead.

Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Some sad news from Australia… the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

(1925 – 2005) television host

I want nothing but death.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist

Kids, kids, I'm not going to die; that only happens to bad people.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

But the peasants… how do the peasants die?

(1828 – 1910) Russian writer

For me dying is a lot like going camping… I don't want to do it.


Die? … My dear Doctor, that's the last thing I shall do!

(1784 – 1865) English statesman

If you stop eating donuts you will live three years longer; it’s just three more years that you want a donut.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Death takes no bribes.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

This is absurd! This is absurd!

(1856 – 1939) Austrian neurologist, father of psychoanalysis

Die: To stop sinning suddenly.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie; “Come on ‘long prosperous life!’”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

This is it! I'm going. I'm going.

(1886 – 1950) American singer, comedian & actor

He’s the type of man who will end up dying in his own arms.

(1931 – ) American actress & singer

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.

(1973 – ) American comedian