Subject: Definitions (Page 22)

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Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Definitions

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning; old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Definitions Old

Derange: Where de buffalo roam.

Definitions

Blurt: To speak the truth.

Definitions Speech

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

Birth: The first and dirtiest of all disasters. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Whoa!: A brake for horses.

Animals Definitions

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Self

The best definition of an honest politician is one who… when he is bought, stays bought.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Definitions Government Politicians

Absentee: A missing golfing peg.

Definitions Golf Sports

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Definitions

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Communist: One who has yearnings for equal division of unequal earnings.

Definitions

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions