Subject: Definitions (Page 22)

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Earthquake: A topographical error.

Definitions

Apathy: Vigor mortis.

Definitions

X: The signature of a happy man.

Definitions

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Thrift: Common sense applied to spending.

Definitions Money

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

Blushing: The color of virtue.

Definitions

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

Wood: That remarkable material which burns so easily in a forest and with such difficulty in a fireplace.

Definitions

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Definitions

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.

Definitions Entertainment

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Definitions Marriage

Ignoramus: Someone who doesn’t know something that you learned yesterday.

Definitions Intelligence

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay