Subject: Definitions (Page 27)

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Epitaph: An inscription which hopes that virtues acquired by death will have a retroactive effect.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

Antique Shop: A junk store that has raised its prices.

Definitions

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

Hospital Room: A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.

Definitions

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

Thrift: Common sense applied to spending.

Definitions Money

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Houseplants: Vegetable companions; pleasant green pets that rarely bite or throw up on the carpet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

Hypochondriac: One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better.

Definitions Health

Daughter: A person who Dad likes because she reminds him why he married his wife, and who Mom is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.

Definitions Family

Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Animals Definitions

Mercy: An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Definitions

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.

(1870-1943) German-American politician, socialist & writer
Definitions Government Politics

Oaf: An old fashioned jerk.

Definitions People

Hospital: A place where people who are run down wind up..

Definitions