Subject: Definitions (Page 27)

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Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”

Communication Definitions Language

Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

Calendar: An attempt, underwritten by the principal religions, to make the heavenly bodies keep regular hours.

Definitions

Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions

Yodeling: Slope opera.

Definitions Wordplay

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Communication Conversation Definitions Intelligence Speech

Heir Cut: Disinheritance.

Definitions

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.

Definitions

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Gold Digger: A woman after all.

Definitions People Women Wordplay

Quagmire: Any situation more easily entered into than exited from; e.g., a guerrilla war, a bad marriage or a conversation with an insurance salesman.

Definitions

Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

Definitions

Negotiating: The art of persuading your opponent to take the nice shiny copper penny and give you the wrinkled old paper money.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Money

Fashion: A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay