Subject: Definitions (Page 32)

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Opening night: The night before the play is ready to open.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Definitions

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Twin: A double-take.

Definitions Family

Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.

Definitions

Whistle: Wind having a narrow escape.

Definitions

Gardener: Someone who thinks that what goes down must come up.

Definitions

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Rational: Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Intelligence Thinking

Pocket Watch: A watch for people who don’t like having time on their hands.

Definitions Time

Below: Sing Bass.

Definitions

Government Deficit: The difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

Definitions Government

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Definitions Marriage

Subsidy: A formula devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.

Definitions

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Communication Definitions Speech

Agreeable Person: One who agrees with me.

Definitions

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Life: A breathing spell.

Definitions Life