Subject: Definitions (Page 45)

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Inch: Unit of measure whose length is consistently underestimated by men.

Definitions

Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Animals Definitions

Thrift: Common sense applied to spending.

Definitions Money

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

Craze: The other guy’s hobby.

Definitions

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Communication Definitions Language

Fidelity : A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Marriage

Hospital: A place where people who are run down wind up..

Definitions

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Definitions Money People Women

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

Body Characteristics Definitions People

Wedding: A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Marriage People

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Communication Conversation Definitions Intelligence Speech

X-chromosome: A genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Women

Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is.

Definitions

Cross-Eyed Teacher: A teacher that loses control over his or her pupils.

Definitions

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.

Definitions

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions