Subject: Definitions (Page 45)

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Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Definitions

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

Secret: Information you tell to one person at a time.

Definitions

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Definitions Past Time Work

Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Definitions

Gardener: Someone who thinks that what goes down must come up.

Definitions

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Definitions

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

Rear: In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Military

Abstainer: A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Communication Definitions

Budget: A schedule for going into debt systematically.

Definitions

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Pessimist: A person who looks at a doughnut and sees nothing but the hole.

Definitions

Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.

Definitions

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

Childhood: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

Heredity: The thing a child gets from the other side of the family.

writer
Definitions Family

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,614 times a day.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work